Global Soccer Mom or Isolated Soccer Mom
Lately, I have been reflecting on how isolating it can feel to be a mother in the suburbs. In December I took my daughter on a trip to New York City to attend World Vision’s World AIDS Day Prayer Breakfast. The breakfast was inspiring and the city was beautiful—all dressed up for the holidays.
What struck me as I moved about that weekend wasn’t the noise of the city, or the bustle of the endless crowds, or the cold wind whipping down the streets caught between buildings—what struck me was how much people talked to each other. Everywhere I looked people were interacting. Shop keepers and customers. Tourists asking for directions from New York residents. Cab drivers and valet men. Cab drivers and passengers. Strangers in the enormous lines at every Starbucks. I found myself in many interesting conversations and exchanges with complete strangers, cab drivers, waitresses, even the guy at the cupcake stand in SoHo.
I live in a comfortable suburb. I do not spend my days interacting with the world, but rather with my small family. I spend most of my time in a quiet house doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, cooking dinner, checking email. Or I am in my car with my small family taking them to school, to sports events, to friends’ houses. I am isolated. I could go all day and talk to no one but my family.
In New York City they may be high-strung and have short fuses. They may yell at each other due to the stress and demands of living with so many people in such a small area, but to function as a community as least they talk to one another. In the suburbs it can seem we don’t need each other. The world becomes distant, viewed through our TV’s and computers, and our personal domestic world can close in.
My book, Global Soccer Mom, will hit stores in February. At the back of the book I have provided reflection questions. I reflect that I am a busy mother who has a burden for the suffering of others globally and I ask, “Do we as mothers feel limited in how we can get involved? If so, why? What breaks our hearts, and what or who is limiting our engagement?”
January 9th, 2011 at 1:23 pm
Thanks for this, Shayne. I agree—I think density actually makes a difference, and I always feel that in NYC. And I feel it in my own neighborhood in Cambridge. We’re able to see our friends all winter, even with little kids, because everyone’s within walking distance. So even with naps, dinner times, etc., there are these 1-2 hour windows where we can see each other often, which creates more community, more knowledge of each other.
When we were considering moving from California, I had this half-baked theory that the average distance between people on the street correlates somehow with how rounded those characters are in our lives—that, if you mostly see each other at 10 feet away, or from cars, it’s easier to keep someone at arms’ length, literally and figuratively. And I’ve found that much-closer social distance here, in a walking/public transit city, to go a long way in seeing people in 3-d. (It’s worth it to me, despite some headaches, to live in an expensive, tiny little apartment!)
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